Be the Reader You Are (and Don't Stress About What You're Not)

This sign stands outside of Mirabai, a New Age bookstore in Woodstock, New York.

I have to think of it this way. I read tarot before him. I read tarot for him. And I read tarot after him.

My ex was a tarot reader. He was quite good at it. He was not my first boyfriend to read tarot, but there was something about his readings that were so scarily accurate that I was in awe.

Consequently, when it was mutually realized we were both readers, we agreed to exchange readings. He read for me. And when it came time for me to read for him . . .

. . . I was reduced to tears. Absolute mental breakdown-worthy tears.

I don’t know why I thought after he read for me that I was suddenly incapable of doing a reading for him. I don’t remember panicking while he was shuffling the cards. I don’t remember panicking when I took the cards back from him and started to lay them out. It was when I was done with laying out the cards that it kicked in. The thought: “Oh crap, now it’s really my turn.”

And I started to cry. That first reading was horrible. I don’t think my first reading for a stranger was as bad as that reading. Oh, I’m sure I was accurate. It was the feeling that went along with it, the “I can’t read as eloquently as he just did.” That first reading I did for my ex he walked me through, point by point, card by card, and at the end prompted me with, “What does it all mean altogether?” The reading was like pulling teeth or taffy, the information exchange like molasses with sharp shards in it.

I don’t blame my ex in any of this. I blame myself. He was an intimidating guy, and his tarot-reading was no exception. But I let myself be intimidated by another reader. Therefore, the fault lays with me.

A few years after this, I started reading professionally. During one of these “out of the tarot closet” readings, I read for an acquaintance who admitted after the reading was finished that she was a tarot reader, too. I thanked her profusely for telling me after the reading and not before, since my nerves would have been shot “reading for a reader.” After that, I silently told myself that reading for readers was “too hard” and vowed to avoid it when possible . . .

. . . and then two months ago I was at Readers Studio, surrounded by fellow readers. Not reading for another reader at a tarot conference is impossible. It is a part of the learning process. You take classes at the conference and then you immediately apply them to help absorb that new information. Compounded by that were threats from people to read for “heap big tarot readers” (see The Tarot Apprentice Speaks for said threats), furthering amalgamating my already paralyzing fear of reading for readers. At Readers Studio, you are reading for readers right from the get-go with the Foundation Reading. Theresa Reed (who just happened to be sitting next to me at the start . . . coincidence? Absolutely not!) and I paired up. I wanted to tell her about my fear of reading for readers, but just from the look on her face I could tell it was a bad idea. Theresa could see right through me, look at my fears, and know what I didn’t realize until after Readers Studio: all of this “I can’t do this” self-flagellation was and is bullshit.

In short, you cannot be another reader. You can try, but it simply won’t work. Readings that should come easily will suddenly be nightmarish and hard if you so much as attempt to read like someone else. The tarot senses the bullshit and those cards that you have come to know as your friends transform into monsters from under the bed.

I’m not an eloquent reader. Much of the time when reading I curse, am pretty blunt, and rarely tint the world rosy when that’s not what I’m seeing. I try not to beat around the bush and frequently dive right into the core reason as to why you’re coming for a reading. I use words such as “asskickery” to describe the suit of Swords.

I’m not particularly slick like my ex was when reading, but I have my own style, and that’s okay. You have your own style that makes your readings special. Don’t let your specialness be overshadowed by your own fears. Be your own person. Be your own reader.

The "P" Word

Do I consider myself a psychic? No. Do I consider myself intuitive? Yes. What's the difference?

To me, it's all about what labels people are comfortable with. Me, I'm not comfortable with the word "psychic" in general. Any time anyone calls me one, it gives me pause. I feel that label is taken to the extreme in both a positive and a negative way. In the positive way, if you're labeled "psychic" you either do it full-time as your profession and you're always "ON". In a negative way, "psychic" to some people equates directly to "charlatan", which is extremely unfortunate, and a generalization of a group of people. There are phonies in every line of work; in every walk of life. Those that think psychics are a crock based on experiences with the crooked minority are closing themselves off to the psychics that are there in the service of growth of the human spirit.

So based on the connotations of the word "psychic", I choose to identify myself with the word "intuitive" instead, something I believe everyone is, some more than others, and something that can be cultivated and developed with practice. Not all tarot readers read intuitively. There are some that memorize the standard meanings of all 78 cards and their reversals, and then read based on that. When I began reading, I memorized. Memorization is a great thing for a beginner. As they say, you need to learn the rules before you break them. As I read the cards more, I began to trust in what I was seeing in the pictures more than what I had memorized for a card. From then, I associated the memories from my own life that the cards evoked to what my client was asking about when I read for them.

My sister once introduced me to a friend of hers as psychic. It was possibly the ONLY time I've ever felt comfortable with the designation. So call me a psychic if you want to, but I might look at you askance.

October Tarrytown Third Friday!

Hello, everybody! Yes, I know, long time, no post.

I will be doing readings at Whimsies Incognito for this Friday, October 15th, in honor of Third Friday.

Where:
Whimsies Incognito
35 S. Broadway
Tarrytown, NY 10591

When:
Friday, October 15, from 6 to 9p.m.

My friends at Whimsies will be offering their standard 10% discount for all purchases made during the Third Friday event, and if you come in costume, an additional 10%! That's something to be very excited about!

Hope to see a bunch of people for Third Friday!

This Friday, May 21

This Friday I will be doing short tarot readings at Whimsies in celebration of Third Friday. Weather-permitting, I will be outside giving readings. Hope to see you then!

New deck, new ideas, etc.

First of all, welcome again to my tarot blog. I had hoped I would make blogging about tarot a more regular occurrence! People have been keeping me busy, and man, am I grateful for that. So, let's get to business, shall we?

I have attended two workshops on tarot within the past few months. In early December, I attended "Throw out the #@%!ing Book!" and in February I attended "Readings for Lovers and the People Who Want Them". Both were taught by Ms. Courtney Weber, and now I am very pleased to pass along that she is now taking pre-orders for HER OWN DECK! Tarot of the Boroughs is a photographic deck instead of an illustrated deck. Yes, you bet your bippy that I pre-ordered. There are 78 cards in a tarot deck... creating a tarot deck is a huge undertaking, and I take my hat off to anyone with vision and fortitude to see it through to the finished product. Please check out the link, and if the images you see are appealing to you... well, you know what to do!

The second order of business is to ask if anyone would be interested in me doing an e-mail mailing list. If so, please e-mail tarrytowntarot[at]gmail[dot]com with the subject line: mailing list, and I will add your e-mail. I plan on only doing a mailing every few months or when I am reading at a public event.

Thirdly, February was a very busy month for me for readings, and I noticed before and after my readings, people were asking me questions about tarot itself, about the nature of tarot, the origins of tarot, psychics vs. tarot readers (if there is a vs. or not), my feelings on tarot and why it works for me as a reader, etc. Very good and interesting stuff came out of these questions, and I think an equal amount of time was spent on answering those questions as doing the readings themselves. So, if you do have a question that you think falls into that other realm, please feel free to e-mail me at that same e-mail address, and I'll do my best to answer it. And, as always, if I've read for you and you had nice things to say, testimonials are ALWAYS welcomed!

It will soon be spring! Enjoy the lengthening hours of daylight, and thanks again for reading!

Getting the fears out

So, let me introduce you to a little friend of mine. It's a new friend, and I'm just making their acquaintance. It's called the Deviant Moon Tarot.
Depicted here is the Six of Wands (I figured I'd clarify, since the picture is flipped). This is a good example of what this deck looks like, and perhaps explains my original fear of doing a reading with it. It is very dark-feeling... from the colors and from the skewed figures on the cards. Made me feel slightly insane looking at them. Of course, the name of the spread that came with the deck is the Lunatic Spread.
I was asked to do a reading with this deck, so I did, and it turned out better than I expected. I have introduced my energy to this deck, and it has revealed its energy to me, and I think we'll get along just swimmingly with it playing second fiddle to my main deck.
In short, I was scared to work with this deck. I was asked to read using this deck, and I did it. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt's quote: "Do one thing every day that scares you." Your fear is never equivalent to what you experience when you actually get over your fear and just do it! You can surprise yourself!